I had never had any real desire to visit the land of my ancestors, but I had always wanted to go to Scandinavia. Denmark and Sweden appeal to me for some reason. While I was working at an airline the opportunity to go to Sweden came up and I jumped on it. The company had only recently installed a new flight scheduling system and the powers that be determined that it would be best to have those who actually used it (my department) visit the regional operations centers that would rely on it the most and train them. But being practical (cheap), and having a few dozen OPS throughout the world they thought it best to tackle the project one city at a time and decide later if any further trips would be necessary. Stockholm OPS was chosen as the first since that was where the company that created the software was based and it was a relatively minor leg on a relatively minor pairing.
I was selected by the SEDSUP (my immediate supervisor) and the OPSVP (vice president of operations) to be the IX (instructor) since I knew the system better than anyone else in the WORLD (Western Hemisphere, north of Mexico). We were the only airline in the world to actually use this system. It was almost a combination of ROC and RM, but as long as you knew SITA you would be fine. At the time most of the people in my department were still using the old system (ROC) and I had been a temp working almost exclusively on the new system (CMS) before I was hired, so I had much more experience with it than anyone. I was currently training all but one of the people in my department so it seemed only logical that I could IX the Swedes. The one person I was not training had been considered the expert before I arrived (she had used it a few times in the week or so they had it before I got there) and she did not feel that she needed any assistance. She was wrong, of course, but she had a bit of an attitude toward everyone and was not especially popular. I had no problem with her avoidance of me since it meant that I did not have to spend any time with her. This was the kind of job where co-workers actually had to communicate with each other and she had a habit of leaving out pertinent information, which made other people’s jobs harder. I find that most people do not like that.
A few days before I was supposed to go to Stockholm someone in HR (human resources) was kind enough to point out that I had been at the company for less than 90 (ninety) days (not including my period of temporary employment) and that company rules prohibited probationary employees (problees? They problee work here. We do not know) from riding company aircraft SA (space available). Much to everyone’s chagrin Ms Attitude was chosen to take my place since she was the only other person both willing and able to go on such short notice. They could have just flown me commercially, but why spend money when you’ve got your own planes already going there.
After she got back from Stockholm they reported problems with the system daily and her career at this particular airline, which was already tenuous, was given the last rights. Within a month or so she was relegated to backlogged paperwork and within a few weeks none of us ever saw her again. But before her timely demise they decided to send someone to Buenos Aires OPS, despite the complete failure of Stockholm. I was still within the 90 day period, so someone who really did not want to go to Brazil was chosen. We quickly reminded him that Buenos Aires is not in Brazil and, more importantly (although less frightening) he spent the next week with me in intensive system training. Which just meant more donuts for me. I was once again screwed out of a free trip, but I got a lot of double time. Plus the guy who went was more enthusiastic about cheap booze and even cheaper whores, so he had a good time. He was only marginally successful, so the bosses decided to scrap the whole idea.
Many months later I was trying to get the OPSVP to authorize my SOUTHPAC. This would have taken me Los Angeles – Honolulu – Fiji – Sydney – Tokyo – Anchorage – Los Angeles, and was the longest and least popular pairing we had. Once upon a time this particular OPSDIR had envisioned a world where the people in my department would PAX with various crews to various stops and see what life as a CX entails. Due to that annoying reality this had never happened and I was pushing to make it so. Not so much for educational purposes, but because I wanted the free trips. He then told me that if I wanted to travel I should just go to Amsterdam OPS. I had no idea this was an option. Apparently the training program had been tentatively revitalized. I never found out why. Suddenly almost everyone wanted to go. I think because of the cheap hash and even cheaper whores. But since I was now well beyond the 90 day period and I was the undisputed CMS king I was finally authorized to leave the building. The irony was that since the London – Amsterdam leg had been temporarily discarded I flew to Amsterdam commercially. The company spent about the same amount of money sending me to Amsterdam that they would have spent on Stockholm months earlier and everyone could have been fully trained sooner and better. Such is corporate America.
My mission was a resounding success and the company was planning OPS visits to London, Osaka, New York, São Paulo, Melbourne, Copenhagen, Helsinki, and even Cairo. Although no one expected that one to ever happen. Regrettably, they had also just bought a dozen 404s (at about $150 million each) as well as updated MX and WX equipment and were in the beginnings of bankruptcy. But at least I went to Amsterdam first.
The tension mounting between the Nederland and Frisian protestants and the Spanish catholics became intolerable by the middle 1500s. When King Philip II of Spain sent the Inquisition to torture and murder as many infidels as possible it was the finger that broke the dyke’s crack. Under the banner of Willem van Oranje the people of Holland, with the assistance of Frysland, Utrecht, Limburg, and a few Gelderlanders won their independence. Twenty years later. You know how those Gelderlanders are. Previously isolated regions, these Netherlands became allies, although Holland has always been the dominant province within this United Kingdom. Queen Beatrix van Oranje Nassau is from Holland, as were all her forebears. Unlike Britain’s Helen Mirren, who is linked to Normandy’s William the Conquistador by many twisted and tangled branches, Beatrix’s lineage is directly descended from Holland’s Willem the Silent.
Thanks to the impressively adaptable port cities of Amsterdam and Rotterdam, Holland quickly became the center of the universe. At least that is what some drunk guy in Amsterdam told me. Artists like Rembrandt van Rijn made the place as intellectually impressive as it was culturally diverse. The 18th Century saw wars with pretty much every major European power until that troublemaker Napoleon took the place over and, nepotism being all the rage, replaced Willem V with his own brother Louis. On the plus side, the weak cheese-eating regions of Belgium and Luxembourg were added to the Netherlands, fitting in nicely alongside Limburg, Gouda and the obscure Processed Foodlike province. The down side was that this union was not to last.
Sometime after that Tchaikovsky overture Willem I van Oranje (not to be confused with Willem van Oranje), son of Willem V, was crowned the first king of the United Kingdom of the Netherlands. But soon the Belgians, being Belgian, became uppity and revolted. The Luxembourgers said what everyone says at some point in their lives. If the Belgians can do it, so can we. Thirty five years later they too were an independent state. Eventually Holland (at one point the dominant navy in the world) lost or abandoned its territories in what are now Indonesia, Malaysia, Mauritius, South Africa, Botswana, Angola, Liberia, Benin, Ghana, Guyana, Suriname, St Lucia, Trinidad and Tobago, Tonga, East Timor, Taiwan, and the United States. Aruba and the Antilles are still Nederland territories, but under their own administrations.
Things remained relatively stable until two small nations no one has ever given a shit about started the first War to End All Wars. Holland pulled a Switzerland, as it tried to do when Germany invaded another country no one has ever really cared about and started the second War to End All Wars. Lamentably, Germany invaded Holland on its way to completely sinking the indestructible Maginot Line. There is some value to bringing the French down to size, but blitzing the schitz out of Rotterdam was simply not necessary. Holland’s subsequent resistance movement was far more impressive than France’s, but de Gaulle had always been a more flagrant self-promoter than Wilhelmina, so people still talk about all those chain smokers in berets singing along to Edith Piaf. Thus is history.
When the United States eventually got around to helping out its oldest continuous ally Holland followed the trend of the day and changed its familiar orange flag (as in Haus van Oranje) to the less original red, white and blue that it has today, and Queen Wilhelmina started the curious custom of abdicating in favor of her heir. Her daughter Juliana (who recently died) became Queen in 1948 and abdicated for her daughter Beatrix in 1980. Prince Willem is waiting to become Willem IV, but like England’s Charles, he has a stubborn and popular mother who refuses to step down.
