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Update History

18 September 2012

Six Years None The Richer

Previously on Is Making Foreigner Show:

Foreigner making drive no license

Foreigner taking drive test

Foreigner showing make bad is driver test


There are two ways to drive legally in this country. You can have citizen identification, which I will never have, or you can have alien resident identification, which I have. Both types have to bring their identification and take a joke of a written and driving test. Citizens renew their license every six years. Alien residents have to renew theirs whenever they renew their alien residency; typically every year. The tests and fees are the same for everyone, but foreigners have to pay six times as often. If a foreigner’s license expires, he has to pay for and take all of the tests over again. If a citizen’s license expires, he simply pays an extra fee.

The standard procedure for renewing my alien residency is to do everything at the last minute. This is because everything can only be done within a certain time frame and, more often than not, the owner of my school likes to do everything at the last minute. She is the only one who can initiate proceedings. She sends forms to the government, they send forms back to her, she gives me one of those forms which I take to another government office, they give me another form to give to her which she sends to the government, they give her another form which she gives to me and I take back to the government office I went to earlier, I give them money and they give me a receipt. About a week later I can go back to that office and pick up my new identification card. It is that simple.

Renewing my driver’s license can only be done after I have the new identification card. There were several times before I had the license that I got the new card after the old one had expired. No one particularly cares if it is expired as long as the paperwork started making the rounds before it expired. Once or twice the old one expired before the paperwork for the new one went anywhere and I had to go to Hong Kong to get a visa in order to get the visa that I was waiting to get. This is all rather annoying in the beginning, but eventually you get used to it. There simply is no simple way to get things done around here.

The trouble began when I got a driver’s license. Now if anything expires, I have to take all of those driving tests again, and that is not something I want to do. I barely understood the written test, and I only passed the vision test because the clerk in charge could not have cared less. Not that my eyesight is that bad, but the vision test has nothing to do with vision.

This year, the owner of the school decided to wait until the last minute to send the initial paperwork to the government, as is her custom. She also forgot to include an important form, and it took some time for the government to let her know. She has only been doing this for five years, and apparently it takes longer than that to figure out how to do the same thing every year. After several weeks of several forms changing hands, I finally got the form that I take in to get the card that I need to renew my license. My alien residency expired the next day. This did not affect my legal residency in this country because most of the paperwork had already gone through. But since it usually takes about a week between taking the form to the government office and getting the card, there was no way in hell I would have the new card before my license expired.

Ordinarily, I take the form to the government office, go back in a week and get my new card and take that new card to renew my driver’s license. Since my driver’s license was due to expire the next day, this was not an option. So I took the form I usually take to the government office to the DMV, which is not called the DMV around here. This form basically says that all systems are go and tells the office that gives me my new card to give me my new card. There was no reason for me to believe that the people at the DMV would have any idea what this form was. But it clearly stated in Chinese that I was allowed a new card, and the people at the DMV supposedly know that having a new card is what allows me to renew the license.

Coincidentally, I have gone to the same clerk at the DMV every time I have renewed my license. I thought that since he recognized me and I recognized him, it might help. Rules at government offices are generally followed according to the clerk’s whim at any given time. Having at least some kind of relationship greatly helps.

He was not there. Instead, there was a woman who would have fit in perfectly at any American DMV. I could not decide if she was Patty or Selma.

She spoke no English and automatically assumed that I speak no Chinese, as happens pretty much all the time. While waiting for her supervisor, I wondered how I was going to talk the supervisor into renewing my license even though I had an almost expired alien resident card. My initial plan was to talk to the same guy I always saw and convince him that doing what I wanted was the way to go. Supervisors are generally less friendly around here, and more likely to follow the rules.

When the supervisor arrived, I showed her my form, explained what it was and told her that I would have the new card in about a week. I wanted her to renew my license or at least put some kind of temporary stamp on it and let me come back when I have the new card. She said that they did not do that. I knew she was going to say that. No one ever wants to do anything that has not already been done. These are not adventurous people. The Chinese did not send a person into space until 2003.

Following the logic that everyone does the same thing as everyone else, I asked her why foreigners have to renew their driver’s licenses every year while locals do it every six years. If everyone has to follow the same rules, why then do the same rules not apply to everyone. I assumed that I was going to walk away empty handed and was simply arguing for argument’s sake at this point. I had already decided that if my license expired I would not bother to take the tests all over again. Very few people recognize any rules of the road around here and I have lost interest in bending over backward to do things legally in a country where no one follows the law.

The supervisor asked me if I had a photograph. I did because I was hoping that somehow this would work, and I had to go to the other government office when I was finished with the DMV and give them a photograph so that they could give me a new card eventually. I gave her a photograph and she apologized but said I needed to pay a fee. I was willing to pay a fee. I wanted to renew my license and that always requires paying a fee. I could not believe that I had actually talked her into renewing it without having the new card.

She came back with my new driver’s license and apologized again. I was unsure which part of my argument was making her apologize so often. This is information that might be useful in the future. Especially since I knew that I might have to go through all of it again next year.

When I looked at the license to make sure they had the correct alien resident number (they have been wrong before, and this is inconvenient to correct), I noticed that it expires in six years. I have no idea if this supervisor was authorized to make my one year license last for six years. At this point, I do not care.


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